A friend texted me yesterday and asked how I was feeling spiritually. I took a breath, thought for a moment and then replied with:

“I’m feeling…like God is rinsing away my moralism and massaging out my tense response to suffering. The gospel is the answer to both and I’ve been a bit overwhelmed with my need for a fresh, clear understanding. So it’s good — really good.”

And there it was. The summary of my heart in 241 characters.

I expected God to powerwash my heart on this trip. To blast away grime and filth and deep issues. And while He reserves the right to do so, my experience has been very different. He has gently rinsed. Steady, continual, loving, gentle. He sees that my heart is caked with bad habits, worldly lies and a stubborn works mentality towards God. But instead of the power of a fire hydrant, God is using the kind gurgle of a garden hose.

Rinse. Be washed in the water of His word. Sit. Soak. Absorb. Abide.
Rinse. Let the dirt run off. Let the gospel free me from my efforts to earn favor.
Rinse. Receive the love and care of the Shepherd.
Rinse. Let the dry cracks of my soul be healed.
Rinse. Allow my weary spirit to sit under the flow of Life and Truth and Peace.
Rinse. Release my strivings and efforts and let Jesus be my everything.

And then comes the massage. A direct hit on the topic of suffering. Oh, those tight muscles in my heart and knots in my soul that I didn’t even realize was there. The questions, the pain, the brokenness, the things I just don’t understand. The things I cannot fix. I realized that I’ve been clenching my teeth and holding my breath, trying to just survive in the crashing waves of grief all around me. I’ve been reading about the gospel and learning to apply it’s truth to suffering.

Massage. Feel the pressure in sensitive spots and believe it’s good pain.
Massage. Work out the knots of unbelief and tension of self-atonement.
Massage. Let the truth of the gospel help me see the suffering Savior.
Massage. Release my controlled emotions and be honest about my pain.
Massage. Abandon the familiar pain in order to receive reprieve and comfort.
Massage. Close my eyes and trust the One who sees the fibers of my being.
Massage. Be free. See God’s heart. See God’s love. Trust His hand.

God, who is rich in mercy, has been pursuing my heart. He has been showing me how I can trust myself less and trust Jesus more. Showing me how I’ve let moralism and suffering fill the crevices of my heart, taking root and choking out the fresh water of grace. Oh, how I need fresh water. My heart has grown stagnant as I’ve tried to swim in my brokenness and then pull myself out by my own understanding.

“He sent from on high, he took me;
He drew me out of many waters.
He brought me out into a broad place;
He rescued me because He delighted in me.” (Psalm 18: 16,19) 

Oh, how the gospel changes everything! When I see my NEED for a Savior I can then SEE the Savior and how gloriously He has met all my needs.

The gospel is fresh water, rinsing off my legalistic moralism. It frees me from having to understand, earn, achieve, create or fulfill my own set of tasks. Moralism is a cheater, a thief, a liar. It adds weight to my load and guilt to my conscience. It tells me I must prove myself and help God with my sanctification. It steals my joy because I walk in fear of failure. But the gospel says that Jesus did it all and that I am safe and secure in HIS achievement.

Let living water satisfy
The thirsty without price
We’ll take a cup of kindness yet
All glory be to Christ

The gospel is a strong massage, reaching into the deep tissue of my soul and giving me perspective amidst suffering. It tells me that pain is real and that Jesus understands. It tells me that God is bigger. It tells me that God cares. It tells me that there will be redemption. It tells me that God sent His own Son to intercept my deepest suffering and bring me hope.

“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. For while we were still weak… God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:3-8)

GOSPEL HOPE does not disappoint. Jesus died to give us hope. His work is finished. His work is secure. The hope He gives is secure. I have hope amidst “many waters” because He rescued me. And He rescued me because He delighted in me.

Rinse.
Massage.
Repeat.